God is big. Yep. BIG. Also, people are complex and messy. Pretty mind-blowing stuff huh? But seriously, almost anyone would agree that these two statements are true (except maybe atheists who would at least concede that if a God did exist He would be, by definition, a pretty big and complex dude if He managed to create the universe....)
Despite knowing these two facts I have never thought of my conception of God or people as narrow, or saw myself as settling for what was comfortable. I've always prided myself on critical thinking, and on being open and honestly desiring truth whether it hurts or not. However, there is one truth that I wasn't ready for, one truth that is hard to handle and presents the first real challenge to my faith that I have experienced in all my 6 or so years as a Christian..... God is big. God is big and beyond the understanding of my little mind.
My conception of God is changing, and He's finally managing to escape the box I have kept Him in all my life, blissfully unaware that I was doing so. Comfortable dogmatism is no longer a viable option for me. In it's place is a God that is harder to pin down, more organic, and hopefully more "real". As I realize my own powerlessness, the unpredictable nature of God, the limitations of my intellect, the depth that is within other people, and the mystery that is a persons relationship with God, a greater level of trust is demanded, my faith is tested and I slowly learn what it means to not lean on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).
My faith is finally outgrowing my brain and my mind can no longer fully contain it which, for someone who has always put some degree of confidence in his intelligence, is quite a scary thing. It has begun to demand that I look more deeply at the world, at those around me, and at the Jesus I follow, and that I perceive at a deeper and more intuitive level, the mystery and truth of the life Jesus offers.
Jesus, wherever you are taking me, meet me there.
